Emotional Awareness
THE PHYSICAL / EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
Emotions are to the soul as sensation is to the body. We can feel pain or pleasure as a response to what the body encounters in the physical world. If we taste a piece of our favorite food the sensation is great, but if we place a hand on a hot stove burner, the pain causes us to instantly recoil.
Physical sensation is not a fool-proof guide, because someone could have slipped poison in that tasty morsel, and pain can come from a physician pulling a foreign object out of our body. But in general sensation guides us to embrace what comforts our body and reject what hurts it.
Likewise, emotions give us a general guide to what is encouraging or damaging to our inner being.
KNOWING OUR INNER BEING We're coming from a biblical perspective that sees the makeup of a human being in a three-fold way; BODY, SOUL & SPIRIT. The BODY registers the 5 physical senses; sight, smell, feel, taste and hearing. It is through the body that everything from within is outwardly expressed. The SOUL is the container for the real 'person'. The personality engages the mind, emotions and will. All of these elements are intangible, though palpably present, and deal with the deep and important issues of human life. The SPIRIT is the human's connection with the spiritual world. It is the place where mankind originally received its life from the eternal life source in God. It is the place where this life-source was disconnected as a result of the fall of humanity into sin. And it is the place where spiritual life is restored through the coming of God's Holy Spirit in the process of redemption. |
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Thessalonians 5:23 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12 |
EMOTIONS AS INNER INDICATORS
Emotions occur in the soul, and are indicators of the 'state' of our soul, just as physical sensation monitors the 'state' of our body. As we encounter the issues of life we have positive or negative internal reactions. These are no more right or wrong morally than physical pain, although what I choose to DO as a result of either physical or emotional sensations may very well be right or wrong.
Just as we instinctively move away from physical pain, we also recoil from emotional pain. There are four basic emotion groups; joy, grief, anger & fear. Three of these groups are negative emotions and send unpleasant emotional vibes through our whole being, sometimes very intensely.
Because these emotional feelings are internal, intangible, and more closely connected with our 'person', we tend to identify with them more personally than with physical pain. If we get a cut or burn we don't think that makes us a bad person. Depending upon how we got it we may berate ourselves for being stupid, but we don't think of the pain as indicating we are somehow 'wrong'. However, it is very common for us to identify with a negative emotion and think of ourselves in a negative way because we're feeling sad, afraid or angry about something.
If I'm physically wounded I want the pain to stop, but I'm more likely to realize that the wound needs to be treated. The pain is a different thing than the wound, and I instinctively see it that way. I know there is pain and I accept the fact that it will hurt until it gets properly treated and goes through the healing process. I know the pain will subside but that I will have some pain until the wound finishes healing, which will take some time. I also know that the pain may have to get sharper which often happens in treatment, to remove foreign objects, to reset or reconnect what is necessary, and to properly cleanse it. I brace myself for the addition pain, knowing that it is necessary and means an eventual elimination of pain.
Emotions occur in the soul, and are indicators of the 'state' of our soul, just as physical sensation monitors the 'state' of our body. As we encounter the issues of life we have positive or negative internal reactions. These are no more right or wrong morally than physical pain, although what I choose to DO as a result of either physical or emotional sensations may very well be right or wrong.
Just as we instinctively move away from physical pain, we also recoil from emotional pain. There are four basic emotion groups; joy, grief, anger & fear. Three of these groups are negative emotions and send unpleasant emotional vibes through our whole being, sometimes very intensely.
Because these emotional feelings are internal, intangible, and more closely connected with our 'person', we tend to identify with them more personally than with physical pain. If we get a cut or burn we don't think that makes us a bad person. Depending upon how we got it we may berate ourselves for being stupid, but we don't think of the pain as indicating we are somehow 'wrong'. However, it is very common for us to identify with a negative emotion and think of ourselves in a negative way because we're feeling sad, afraid or angry about something.
If I'm physically wounded I want the pain to stop, but I'm more likely to realize that the wound needs to be treated. The pain is a different thing than the wound, and I instinctively see it that way. I know there is pain and I accept the fact that it will hurt until it gets properly treated and goes through the healing process. I know the pain will subside but that I will have some pain until the wound finishes healing, which will take some time. I also know that the pain may have to get sharper which often happens in treatment, to remove foreign objects, to reset or reconnect what is necessary, and to properly cleanse it. I brace myself for the addition pain, knowing that it is necessary and means an eventual elimination of pain.
BECOMING AWARE OF EMOTIONS
This is where dealing with emotional pain gets cloudy, because we are much less likely to use the emotional pain as a guide to get to the source of the wound. Our tendency is to avoid or deny the emotional pain. If we allow ourselves to look at it and be aware of it, then just like following a trail of smoke that we see off in the distance as we travel down the highway, we know we're likely to eventually come to a fire. |
This is why seeing a counselor can be very helpful, because they are trained to understand emotions and help us recognize and connect with them. This process leads us to deeper understandings of WHAT is going on inside us that sets off the emotional reaction. Most of the time, until we understand the wound or sensitivity that is there and deal with it properly, it won't go away. Just as with a physical wound, left untreated, it can fester and spread into an infection far worse than the original problem.
Friendships and close family relationships can have an effect similar to a counselor. As we open up to someone who loves us and truly has our best interest at heart, we tend to discover, process and 'wick out' the inner infection, often coming to understand and resolve it.
It is also the case that spiritual practices such as prayer and journaling can help us experience this healing process in a solitary way. However, a well-trained counselor will help us get to important issues we might avoid on our own.
So how do we 'process' emotions?
PUTTING EMOTIONAL AWARENESS TO WORK
Our emotions fall into four major categories which include feelings of; joy, grief, anger and fear. There are a variety of ways of categorizing emotions, and some people use a different number of categories. This is not a big issue, as category charts are simply helpful tools for identifying emotions. All the same emotions will be dealt with even if organized differently. We have found it easiest to think in terms of these four groups.
Friendships and close family relationships can have an effect similar to a counselor. As we open up to someone who loves us and truly has our best interest at heart, we tend to discover, process and 'wick out' the inner infection, often coming to understand and resolve it.
It is also the case that spiritual practices such as prayer and journaling can help us experience this healing process in a solitary way. However, a well-trained counselor will help us get to important issues we might avoid on our own.
So how do we 'process' emotions?
PUTTING EMOTIONAL AWARENESS TO WORK
Our emotions fall into four major categories which include feelings of; joy, grief, anger and fear. There are a variety of ways of categorizing emotions, and some people use a different number of categories. This is not a big issue, as category charts are simply helpful tools for identifying emotions. All the same emotions will be dealt with even if organized differently. We have found it easiest to think in terms of these four groups.
This following diagram shows how there can be many 'flavors' of emotions within the main category. The more emotionally aware we become, the more precisely we are able to identify subtleties in the way we feel.
Another and maybe easier way to remember these 4 main groups is with these labels; GLAD (Joy), SAD (Grief), MAD (anger) and BAD (Fear)
Another and maybe easier way to remember these 4 main groups is with these labels; GLAD (Joy), SAD (Grief), MAD (anger) and BAD (Fear)
The fantastic chart below was created by Robert Putchik in 1980 and beautifully displays the 'families' of emotion groups in the form of a color chart, with the most intense version of the emotion family in the center, moving outward to progressively less intense but still related emotions.
While his chart identifies 7 major categories, our four are at the quarter-marks, and it is easy to see how the other groups can be considered sub-divisions within these four.
Being AWARE of our emotions as specifically as possible is necessary, but more important is the processing of RESOLVING these emotions.
RESOLVING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Here is a helpful way to think of how this works. Imagine these four emotion groups existing in your inner being
RESOLVING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Here is a helpful way to think of how this works. Imagine these four emotion groups existing in your inner being
There is a natural interplay of these emotions all the time. Most of this interaction deals with very minor, non-intense instances of these emotions. If I misplace my keys I become irritated and increasingly frustrated which is an emotion related to anger. I may even begin to be fearful that I have lost them permanently. My inner focus goes into anger, combining with fear, and then --- voila! I find my keys. The anger and fear dissipate into a rush of joyful relief and I am on my way to whatever it was I wanted to do.
OUR EMOTIONAL SET POINT
In the normal course of things, all of my emotions constantly interact. The positive emotion of joy is our natural God-given 'set' point. When everything is 'normal' and life is reasonably good, a person will have a forward pull toward life. He will want to do certain things and set about anticipating and doing them. You can see this in a child. A toddler has a natural inquisitiveness about his surroundings and moves happily toward things that interest and attract him until he encounters an obstacle. He may bump into something, fall, encounter another toddler who wants the same thing, or whatever. Suddenly the bubbly joy turns into an ear-piercing scream while he seeks to resolve his negative reaction or get someone to resolve it for him. As soon as the problem is cleared up, the sun comes back out and he toddles merrily on his way with his joy of life restored.
Although we call three of these emotion groups 'negative', this doesn't mean that I shouldn't feel them, but that they are signalling to me that I am experiencing some kind of loss or threat. Typically I will experience the emotion, work through it and then 'rebound' to the state of joy (or contentment).
A HEALTHY EMOTIONAL STATE
As adults we experience negative reactions to the many obstacles and problems of everyday life, solve the external issue and resolve the internal feelings. Then we move back to our 'set' point and focus on moving ahead into things we want to deal with. We do this so naturally and instinctively, that unless an issue becomes rather intense we barely notice the flow of our emotions throughout a typical day.
You can think of it like a car when you put the gear shift in drive. There is a slight pull as the transmission engages and wants to move ahead. If you don't restrain it with your foot on the brake, it will pull ahead on its own accord. That's the way our set point works. We are naturally inclined to move ahead to the next thing that interests us unless something derails that momentum.
Our natural state is one of optimism, anticipation, wanting something and moving toward it. We don't want to stay in a negative emotion and that helps motivate us to resolve the situation and get back to a positive place. This doesn't necessarily mean that what we WANT is good or positive, but that's a different issue!
As adults we experience negative reactions to the many obstacles and problems of everyday life, solve the external issue and resolve the internal feelings. Then we move back to our 'set' point and focus on moving ahead into things we want to deal with. We do this so naturally and instinctively, that unless an issue becomes rather intense we barely notice the flow of our emotions throughout a typical day.
You can think of it like a car when you put the gear shift in drive. There is a slight pull as the transmission engages and wants to move ahead. If you don't restrain it with your foot on the brake, it will pull ahead on its own accord. That's the way our set point works. We are naturally inclined to move ahead to the next thing that interests us unless something derails that momentum.
Our natural state is one of optimism, anticipation, wanting something and moving toward it. We don't want to stay in a negative emotion and that helps motivate us to resolve the situation and get back to a positive place. This doesn't necessarily mean that what we WANT is good or positive, but that's a different issue!
GETTING EMOTIONALLY STUCK
It is quite possible, however, to get 'stuck' in a negative emotion. Events that are severely traumatic can hit our soul like a shotgun blast and make a comparable wound. The loss of a family member, the terror of war, the violation of physical or sexual abuse, and many, many other things can create an intense inner wound. The corresponding emotion floods the wound and continues to circulate around it, seeking to heal and resolve it. But the emotion itself cannot do the healing, and if healing doesn't come, then the soul can remain in a perpetual reaction to that wound. The emotion is still not 'wrong'. It is signalling the presence of a wound. It is the wound that must be healed if the soul is to return to a state of joy.
The process works something like a rubber band. A rubber band is intended to stretch and 'embrace' the objects you want it to keep contained. But the natural state of the band is not one of being 'stretched'. The natural state is a relaxed form. It stretches to do a necessary job, and once that is finished it reverts to form.
If JOY is our 'set' point, then when we are drawn into grief, fear or anger, our focus and energy 'expands' to deal with the negative emotion. Like the rubber band we are 'stretched' while we deal with the negative, because it is not where we are naturally supposed to be or want to be. But we know it is necessary, we spend whatever energy we must to deal with it and then 'snap back' to joy. However, when we get stuck in a negative emotion for extended periods of time we may 'stretch' our emotional makeup out of form, just as happens with a rubber band left in a stretched position for a long time. In extreme cases we can virtually sever the connection with our set point and effectively 'reset' it to the negative emotion. The negative emotion becomes a chronic state and we become known as an angry person, a fearful person or one who is lost in grief.
If JOY is our 'set' point, then when we are drawn into grief, fear or anger, our focus and energy 'expands' to deal with the negative emotion. Like the rubber band we are 'stretched' while we deal with the negative, because it is not where we are naturally supposed to be or want to be. But we know it is necessary, we spend whatever energy we must to deal with it and then 'snap back' to joy. However, when we get stuck in a negative emotion for extended periods of time we may 'stretch' our emotional makeup out of form, just as happens with a rubber band left in a stretched position for a long time. In extreme cases we can virtually sever the connection with our set point and effectively 'reset' it to the negative emotion. The negative emotion becomes a chronic state and we become known as an angry person, a fearful person or one who is lost in grief.
WHAT IS NORMAL?
The 'normal' person will have a general sense of well-being, a forward-looking stance in life that anticipates engaging in activities he wants to do. He will experience negative emotions regularly in the course of daily life, go to the issue both externally and internally, find a resolution, and then move back to the pleasant place of anticipating life.
It is important to point out that 'normal' doesn't mean someone who has not been seriously wounded in his soul. Many people have suffered devastating inner wounds yet have eventually found sufficient healing to once again experience the joy of life and operate out of joy as their set point.
EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY
When a person has not developed the emotional maturity to be aware of the internal interplay of emotions and regularly resolve it, then emotional tension builds up.
As emotional reactions are left unresolved, he wanders from one unprocessed experience to another, leaving a trail of negative thoughts and feelings.
This creates an internal state of confusion that grows increasingly worse. This person typically lives in a fuming state of simmering hostility and tends to react to other people and events sharply and out of proportion to the actual circumstance. He or she lives with perpetual dissatisfaction, blaming his unhappy state upon first one thing, then another and constantly finds ways to make his dissatisfied state known.
This creates an internal state of confusion that grows increasingly worse. This person typically lives in a fuming state of simmering hostility and tends to react to other people and events sharply and out of proportion to the actual circumstance. He or she lives with perpetual dissatisfaction, blaming his unhappy state upon first one thing, then another and constantly finds ways to make his dissatisfied state known.
HEALING FOR THE INNER WOUNDS
So how do we overcome devastating blows or find our way out of a tangled and debilitating state of confusion? How do we find 'Healing For Damaged Emotions'? (as one famous author put it) Here are some practical steps to follow:
STEP ONE
BECOMING AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE has to come first, and this can happen a couple of different ways. The first technique is to identify a dominant emotion. If we are reacting to something it will usually be rather obvious to us that we are feeling angry, sad or afraid. Although some people are so stoically locked down that they have shut themselves off from feeling anything, the emotion is still there. This person will have to find a way to begin letting down their defenses or let someone help them do it.
If you CAN identify a dominant emotion, follow it by self-reflection and let it lead you to its source. If the source is not immediately obvious, think of following a smoke trail and let it gradually lead you to the fire. If you are trying to do this without a counselor, use pen and paper and write down your thoughts as you reflect on the phrase, 'I am (mad, sad, fearful) because . . . ' and just keep following the trail that reveals itself from within.
If you CANNOT identify a dominant emotion, it is either because you are tightly shut down with defense mechanisms as mentioned above, or because so many emotions have become tangled up together in your soul like a ball of yarn. If it's the former you'll benefit greatly by working with a professional counselor (though you'll probably resist doing that because of your strong defenses). If it's the latter, then we can use the second technique which is to proceed like you would if you were untangling a hose or a ball of yarn. Find one emotion and starting pulling that thread (writing down your thoughts). Asking yourself, 'why am I (mad, sad, fearful, etc.)?' write down every thought that comes to your mind. The point is not to write an essay, but simply record the 'trail' of your thoughts. Often one word notes will do. As you do this, you'll find that one thought will lead to another and begin to uncover insights that had not occurred to you before. The farther you go, the more you'll understand the feeling that you are pursuing. The untangling process will gradually begin to clear out the confusion in your soul.
STEP TWO
The goal of following the emotional smoke trail is to IDENTIFY THE WOUND. Just as a shotgun blast fires many little pellets, we may be dealing with lots of wounds. But the wound is not the main issue. We get hit by lots of negative things, but they don't all wound us. We throw off many things just as our physical immune system throws off innumerable alien organisms on a regular basis. The big questions are; 'Why did this event hurt'? and 'Why is this wound not healing?' Just as our body quickly heals little scratches and bruises so that we barely notice them, our soul is constantly in the process of almost automatically healing and resolving little wounds. Much of this happens with us barely noticing it.
But whether it started small or large, if a wound doesn't heal, there is a reason. The reason is that we are holding on to something that keeps the wound fresh. We are either holding onto a LIE that came in with the wound (such as 'my parents divorced because I was a disobedient child') or we are holding onto a RESPONSIBILITY that is not ours (such as 'I must hold this person to blame and make him pay for the wrong he did to me'.) We escape a lie by seeing the truth (just like we eliminate the dark by turning on a light). We escape a false responsibility by releasing it into the hands of the person who has the responsibility to administer justice for the offending act, which will typically be God. Another term for this is forgiveness, but that word causes a lot of people problems because they take it to mean they should act as though the painful deed didn't happen or didn't really matter. We're not erasing the deed, its hurtfulness or its ugliness, but committing it into the hands of the One who can bring perfect judgement and justice to the perpetrator.
We could go into very deep waters from this point, but the nature of this medium makes that difficult. However we can list some resources for you here and we encourage to you contact us if there is something related to this matter you would like to pursue on a personal basis.
BOOKS
Healing for Damaged Emotions by David Seamans
TAPE OR LIVE COUNSELING and MISC RESOURCES
The Ministry of Theophostic Prayer by Edward Smith
So how do we overcome devastating blows or find our way out of a tangled and debilitating state of confusion? How do we find 'Healing For Damaged Emotions'? (as one famous author put it) Here are some practical steps to follow:
STEP ONE
BECOMING AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE has to come first, and this can happen a couple of different ways. The first technique is to identify a dominant emotion. If we are reacting to something it will usually be rather obvious to us that we are feeling angry, sad or afraid. Although some people are so stoically locked down that they have shut themselves off from feeling anything, the emotion is still there. This person will have to find a way to begin letting down their defenses or let someone help them do it.
If you CAN identify a dominant emotion, follow it by self-reflection and let it lead you to its source. If the source is not immediately obvious, think of following a smoke trail and let it gradually lead you to the fire. If you are trying to do this without a counselor, use pen and paper and write down your thoughts as you reflect on the phrase, 'I am (mad, sad, fearful) because . . . ' and just keep following the trail that reveals itself from within.
If you CANNOT identify a dominant emotion, it is either because you are tightly shut down with defense mechanisms as mentioned above, or because so many emotions have become tangled up together in your soul like a ball of yarn. If it's the former you'll benefit greatly by working with a professional counselor (though you'll probably resist doing that because of your strong defenses). If it's the latter, then we can use the second technique which is to proceed like you would if you were untangling a hose or a ball of yarn. Find one emotion and starting pulling that thread (writing down your thoughts). Asking yourself, 'why am I (mad, sad, fearful, etc.)?' write down every thought that comes to your mind. The point is not to write an essay, but simply record the 'trail' of your thoughts. Often one word notes will do. As you do this, you'll find that one thought will lead to another and begin to uncover insights that had not occurred to you before. The farther you go, the more you'll understand the feeling that you are pursuing. The untangling process will gradually begin to clear out the confusion in your soul.
STEP TWO
The goal of following the emotional smoke trail is to IDENTIFY THE WOUND. Just as a shotgun blast fires many little pellets, we may be dealing with lots of wounds. But the wound is not the main issue. We get hit by lots of negative things, but they don't all wound us. We throw off many things just as our physical immune system throws off innumerable alien organisms on a regular basis. The big questions are; 'Why did this event hurt'? and 'Why is this wound not healing?' Just as our body quickly heals little scratches and bruises so that we barely notice them, our soul is constantly in the process of almost automatically healing and resolving little wounds. Much of this happens with us barely noticing it.
But whether it started small or large, if a wound doesn't heal, there is a reason. The reason is that we are holding on to something that keeps the wound fresh. We are either holding onto a LIE that came in with the wound (such as 'my parents divorced because I was a disobedient child') or we are holding onto a RESPONSIBILITY that is not ours (such as 'I must hold this person to blame and make him pay for the wrong he did to me'.) We escape a lie by seeing the truth (just like we eliminate the dark by turning on a light). We escape a false responsibility by releasing it into the hands of the person who has the responsibility to administer justice for the offending act, which will typically be God. Another term for this is forgiveness, but that word causes a lot of people problems because they take it to mean they should act as though the painful deed didn't happen or didn't really matter. We're not erasing the deed, its hurtfulness or its ugliness, but committing it into the hands of the One who can bring perfect judgement and justice to the perpetrator.
We could go into very deep waters from this point, but the nature of this medium makes that difficult. However we can list some resources for you here and we encourage to you contact us if there is something related to this matter you would like to pursue on a personal basis.
BOOKS
Healing for Damaged Emotions by David Seamans
TAPE OR LIVE COUNSELING and MISC RESOURCES
The Ministry of Theophostic Prayer by Edward Smith